His and Her Date Night

DEAR BOYFRIEND,

It’s time for “the big date.” Anniversary, birthday, a celebration of any kind. It doesn’t matter which. I spend hours getting ready—there’s hair, there’s the dress, the makeup, the jewelry, making sure everything is just right for you. On top of that, I’ve made the plan, scheduled the reservation, printed off directions, and what have you done? Sat on the couch “ready” four hours ago. The reason? Because you’ve “already done something special”—your truck is ready to go on the date. Your truck!

Now, while I realize your truck is an extension of yourself, and basically more important that your right arm, it is NOT a part of this date. It is simply a vehicle to get us there. Washing and vacuuming a truck does not constitute a big effort. I hate to break it to you, but I’ll let you in on a little secret—it was already clean before you spent your four measly quarters washing it.  So save yourself some time, money, and a big argument, and skip the truck preparation! Try some YOU preparation—let’s think a nice outfit, cologne, and a flower here. Not much to ask, and cheaper than a truck wash. PS. It’s going to rain tonight anyway.

DEAR GIRLFRIEND,

If you haven’t realized, one of the main reasons for getting excited for the date is the anticipation and the experience BEFORE actually getting to the destination.  And what is an integral part of that experience; you guessed it, my shiny truck! Another thing about the truck… didn’t you women grow up reading fairytales? Did the princess ever get picked up in a dirty turd? N – O.  I take the time with the truck because I don’t have the hair or need to take care of the other mysterious lady things that you combat with in the bathroom. You primp and crimp, I’ll get the truck ready for both of us.

Now, if I do recall our last “Anniversary, birthday, a celebration” was MY birthday. Did you really want me to plan that? Talk about not special. Who knows, maybe you aren’t actually doing mysterious lady things in the bathroom. Did you forget my birthday all together and you were actually consulting Google for a quick idea, masking the sound with the hair dryer? I guess we’ll never know.

Finally and probably most importantly, I do a little preparation for our dates. Sorry it just doesn’t take me four hours to put on a clean pair of jeans and a button down. Let me give you a little advice for next time, step up your game a little because it’s not that I don’t contribute I just use less time to do it.

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