The (Most Overlooked) Way to a Woman’s Heart

Dear Men of Cincinnati and Dayton,

Everyone knows women should ride in horse-drawn chariots full of glitter and plush velvet seats at all possible times, including through the snowy streets of southwest Ohio…Even at six in the morning, in ten degree weather. Even if the chariot is a 1996 little old beater, struggling to turn over in the frigid weather. Right?

So what better way to prepare for Valentine’s Day (I’m sure you’re all thinking about it already, with it just eleven days away) than to learn the simple way to a woman’s heart: by preparing her chariot when the weather outside is, well, frightful.

At the beginning of a long workday, there is no better surprise than a car that is already turned on, de-iced or de-snowed. Especially when the sweet, calm state of Ohio gets smashed with half an inch of pure, fresh ICE. If this is not your thing, fear not—the automatic car starter was meant for you. Really, you could keep it on your nightstand and click the button for her without moving more than one finger muscle.
Call it anti-feminist, simplistic or lazy on the lady’s part, but trust me.  This small gift done semi-regularly will negate the need for flowers, chocolate, and anything else that comes from the Kroger florist on the way home from work. This will truly make your working’ woman feel like her chariot awaits, courtesy of you!

Happy wooing,

Alexandra Barlow

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