How the Grinch Stole Cell Phone Use While Driving

As Americans bustle around the country joyfully using their phones to ask “what do we need at the grocery”, “where should I meet you”, and “hey girl can I hit you back”, the NTSB (National Transportation Safety Board)-Grinch sits high atop capitol hill scheming on how he can take joy away from the American people below. With only a week before Christmas, the NTSB-Grinch devised his plan, arguing that eliminating all cell phone use while driving would make the roads safer. While this vow sounded good in theory and their hearts are in the right place, and a texting ban sounds logical, the details of this ban are as pathetic as the NTSB-Grinch’s tiny heart.

So in true Cindy Lou Who fashion, I have a few questions for the NTSB-Grinch before he takes my cell phone privileges away in his giant burlap sack:

1.)  What if my cell phone is hooked into my speakers, is that hands-free enough?

2.)  If I can’t use my hands-free phone in my car, does that mean I also can’t use my GPS in my car?

3.)  Am I still allowed to change my radio station and adjust the temperature in my car or is that off limits too?

4.)  Who will enforce this new law, will you charge local police forces with this or will you install more of those creepy and invasive monitoring cameras?

5.)  What if I am singing in my car and am accused of talking on my phone? Will the big bad Grinch take my phone out of my purse to check my most recent call?

While I understand the benefits of road safety, this appears to be a futile attempt by the NTSB that creates more problems and questions than safety results. On a final note, if the NTSB-Grinch is listening, if you do indeed take my talking privileges away while I drive, please don’t give me more taxes in return to help pay for your plan, I am up to my ears buying gifts for the whole town of Whoville as it is.